


You're the only one

by Shinhia



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Love, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, M/M, Romance, Sad, depressed, drunk, talking it through
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 16:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8496595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinhia/pseuds/Shinhia
Summary: Set directly after Emma's party and Isak breaking down in the street.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Here's my lil' IsakxEven fic you guys, hope you'll like it.**

He couldn't remember making it back to the dorm. Couldn't remember the walk there nor the streets or the houses surrounding him on his way. Everything was too blurry and confusing. All he knew was he'd never experienced pain this strong before. He couldn't believe it? Still had trouble wrapping his head around what he'd witnessed at Emma's party. He felt broken, angry and most importantly betrayed. A thousand questions were clouding his brain, a thousand metal shards splitting his heart. Heart he couldn't really tell he still had as it'd just been broken by Even.

He barely remember leaving the party, just that he'd felt he needed to get out of there when he'd watched Sonja kiss _**him** _ and _**him** _ answering the kiss as if they'd never broke up. The scariest part was Isak was now doubting they'd ever been on a break at all. Damn, he'd been so stupid. So foolish. He'd been played by a pretty face and attractive personality and the result…

 

Bits and pieces were clear in his mind like opening the door to the dorm, checking no one was there to witness him sobbing violently. He just couldn't answer any of their questions. If questions there was of course, as he'd been an asshole to Eskild by telling him those horrid, narrow minded, homophobic things. Gosh, he was such a lame friend. He remember closing his bedroom door as silently as possible knowing he'd probably slammed it behind him out of anger. His body and nervous system were a rollercoaster of emotions and violent feelings. He kept going from being depressed to miserable to incredibly angry and back. It hurt. It hurt so damn much and he was lost to know what to do to stop the pain he was feeling. At some point he might have put on some music after he heard movement outside his bedroom. His phone kept ringing with texts from his friends but he was not in the mood to talk to them or explain anything. They didn't know. None of them knew. He knew it was his fault for not telling them anything. But he was too scared. Couldn't risk losing them, especially Jonas, just because he was gay. Cause yes, yes he was gay, one hundred percent gay. As if he'd needed tonight to confirm that. As if his pathetic puppy behavior around Even hadn't been proof enough. As if his old crush on Jonas hadn't been proof enough even back then. He hadn't needed Emma calling him upon his lie to know what he was exactly. It'd just been the scariest thing to admit about him. But after tonight. After having his heart torn apart by another boy was there even a reason left for him to deny what he truly was? No. Fuck. No, there wasn't.

 

After what felt like hours of crying his heart out, he'd fallen asleep, exhausted and broken. He was woken up the next day by the sound of someone banging on his door. Opening his eyes painfully, he'd noticed how swollen they were from the crying and rubbing they'd suffered all night long. Getting up tiredly he made his way to the door, ready to open it only to notice he was still wearing his coat and hoodie as well as last night's clothes. Maybe he smelled a bit too but he couldn't care less at this point. He couldn't even care who it was at the door. He knew it was Noora when he heard her voice behind the wood panel calling his name. Breathing in a few times he wondered if he should open the door and see what it was she wanted. He didn't feel like seeing anyone, didn't feel like moving anymore, the path from his bed to the door had already been too painful and exhausting. But he heard Noora knock on the door again, telling him she knew he was there as his shoes were in the entrance and she'd heard the angry rap music playing last night. Right, he might have played Kanye West a bit loud on his phone until it had no more battery left and just turned off on its own. He couldn't remember turning the music off himself.

 

“Isak, I know you're in there. Open the door.”

 

Damn. She wouldn't let it go, would she. He figured if he couldn't share his pain with his roommates then with whom except the solitude of his four walls could he share it with? So he opened the door on time to see Eskild join Noora in the hallway out of curiousness most probably. When he met Eskild's eyes Isak couldn't hold it in any longer and broke down crying soundly. He felt someone grab hold of him then his coat being taken off of him before he was wrapped in a comforting embrace again and someone was asking him what was wrong. What had happened. But he was incapable of telling them. Only thinking about it was like a thousand knifes thrown back into his heart. Fuck. Why did it have to hurt so badly? And how stupid could have he been? Clinging to whoever was holding him he let them take him back to his bed and held him until he fell asleep exhausted.

* * *

 

 

Next time he opened his eyes they still were swollen if not a bit more after crying so hard and long into Noora's - _it's been her perfume-_ arms. Someone was stroking his hair gently, probably Noora he thought, and voices were talking softly above him. How had he arrived to his bed again? He had no clue. He listened to them talking a moment, only to cling to his head painfully a terrible headache cutting his skull open in two. He thought Eskild might have noticed his movement cause next thing he knew the man was making him take some painkillers and drink water from the glass he was holding to his lips. After that it was blackout again.

* * *

 

 

When he woke up again his head wasn't as hurting anymore only the dull aftermath of the migraine was still there but it wasn't painful enough to keep him from being able to open his eyes and look around him to see if Noora and Eskild were still there with him. Apparently they weren't. He was alone in bed, this time dressed in some clean t-shirt and sweatpants. Sitting up against the wall, a pillow behind his back he heard a soft knock at the door as he ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't answer knowing it was probably Noora or Eskild there to check up on him. Lifting his eyes he saw the both of them come in, both wearing the same worried expression on their faces.

 

“Can we come in?” Eskild asked. Isak shrugged. He felt numb by the pain and he couldn't care less if his friends or the pope came into his room at this point. Noora sat on his right and Eskild on the other side on the bed. The girl wrapped her arms around him again and Isak knew she'd been the one to hug him as he slept earlier.

“Do you wanna tell us what happened?”

Eskild asked. Isak didn't understand how the young man could still want to talk to him not after all the horrible things Isak'd said to his face the last time him and Eskild talked. He could only be grateful for his friend to be mature enough to seem to genuinely wanna help him though this painful nightmare.

“I don't know if you can.” Isak heard himself say brokenly.

“Try us.” Noora said gently and Isak felt himself ready to burst into tears again because of his friends kindness. Taking a shaky breath he figured maybe it was time for him to tell them everything, so he did. He knew they wouldn't be surprised as he was sure they already suspected what there was to know and Eskild knew about Even being more that a “friend” already anyway. So he did. He told them, everything, only stopping when he was done talking.

“Oh Isak, I'm so sorry.” Noora said wrapping him in her arms. Meeting Eskild eyes Isak couldn't help apologizing through his tears. God, would he never be able to stop crying now?

“I'm so sorry, Eskild. I'm sorry for what I said it was mean and insensible for me to say. You were right I was putting myself above you and everyone else in this community.”

“It's okay.” Eskild smiled, brushing his hair. “I know you now understand and I accept your apology.”

Nodding, Isak let his friend console him for the rest of the day.

* * *

 

 

Three days later, he still was locked in his room and refusing again to eat anything when Noora or Eskild came to ask him if he was hungry. He couldn't bare swallowing anything. He had no appetite he just wanted to forget the world and the last days had ever happened. He'd been clinging to the pillow smelling so much of Even only to cry loads more of unstopping tears. It wasn't helping at all, but he couldn't care less. Nor could he care about the texts that kept making his phone buzz on the bed. They were a lot from Jonas, Magnus. Some from Eskild. Some even from Emma if that wasn't ironic. The worst had been to see some incoming text from Even. If Emma wanting to talk about him being gay hadn't been enough to piss him off, seeing Even's text had been the last drop and all of a sudden the anger he'd felt after the party was back and next thing he knew he was trashing his room out of anger and misery. If he'd stopped sacking the place it was because Eskild had come in time to keep him from hitting the wall again when his knuckles were already a bloodied mess. He didn't even registered he was hurting himself everything else was inexistent compared to the hurt in his heart. Everything else after that was another long blur.

* * *

 

 

When he finally came back to, a week had passed and Noora had decided it was time for him to come out of his smelly room. He was pushed under the shower, his room experiencing a cleaning tornado while he let the water wash away some of his misery. Then he was dressing into whatever Eskild had thrown into his hands and was then forcefully dragged into the living room were booze was waiting on the tv table. He made a face when Noora told him they were having a party and he wasn't to say no or go lock himself in his room again. Jonas was coming through the door before he was able to tell Noora he wasn't in the mood to party. Feeling guilty when he saw his best friend Isak blindly accepted the pizza part Eskild place in his hands forcing him to eat it all and more. Which Isak did noticing how hungry he truly was. Taking advantage of that moment of peace before anyone else arrive, Eskild suggested Jonas and Isak had a talk. Cold sweat broke out on his back when Isak heard Jonas say:

 

“Talk to me about what? Why you suddenly lashed out last week when you left Emma's party?”

Meeting Eskild's eyes Isak was ready to tell him to shut up but the confident light into those eyes weirdly calmed him down enough to breath out nervously then take the time to come clean to Jonas. If he was surprised to see Jonas accept him and not reject him once he was done talking Isak felt a huge weight being lifted from his shoulders when his best friend hugged him tightly.

 

“Isak, you're my best friend I would never judge you or reject you for being gay or whatever.”

“I...thanks.” Isak croaked. Swallowing with difficulty, a lump in his throat he had trouble getting rid of. That Eskild, Noora and now Jonas knew was changing a lot and making it easier to breathe for him. And even if he wasn't really ready to tell other people, not even Magnus and Mahdi and especially not his parents yet. Isak felt it was easier accepting he was somewhat different than what judge _“normal”_ by society.

“Magnus and Mahdi are here guys, let's start this party.” Noora suddenly exclaimed from the entrance door. Isak got up from his seat and went to apologize to his friends before any of them could start truly enjoying Noora and Eskild improvised little party.

* * *

 

 

He'd been dancing with Noora then Eskild, then someone else when the doorbell rang again, seeing how neither of his friends were near ready to open the door Isak went for it himself. He felt his blood turn to ice and his heart shattered when he opened the door and saw it was Emma and Sonja behind it. Even was there too standing a feet or two behind the girls and looking like he wanted to be anywhere else but there. His reflexes reacted more than his brain told his body to move and suddenly he was closing the door in their faces. Then he ran to his bedroom not in the mood for this stupid party anymore. He heard Noora and Jonas ask him what was going on and who it was at the door but he just couldn't. Isak wasn't ready for any of this. He couldn't face them. He couldn't look at Even and not feel betrayed, torn apart and still stupidly in love with the older boy. Not after he'd apparently been nothing but a joke to the blond boy.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

Having watch the scene, Eskild went to open the door after Isak had ran to his room. He was join by Noora and they both could see it was Emma, Even and that blond girl, Sonja, behind the door. Unable to hold his tongue Eskild snorted:

 

“Oh you guys have some fucking nerves.”

“Hey...Eskild. Magnus told us you guys were having a party can we come in?” Emma asked, seeming oblivious of Eskild rising anger. Feeling he would hurt someone soon Eskild turned to Noora and said:

“I'm gonna go check on Isak you take care of this. I don't want them in.” Noora nodded, closing the door in her back so she could talk without having to shout over the music coming from inside the apartment.

“Sorry, this is a private party. I'm gonna ask you three to leave.”

“Oh. Can't you let us in, anyway. We all know each other, Noora.” Emma said with a smile.

“We do. But this party is only for friends and family.” Noora explained looking at the younger girl.

“Aren't we friends too?” Emma asked Noora looking a bit taken aback.

“Isak's my friend. Not you. And right now my friend needs me and is true friends. Please leave.”

“That's unfair.” Emma suddenly exclaimed, “Isak's the one that lied pretending to be into me when he's gay.”

“Maybe he did but it's your friend right here that lead him on and then broke his heart. So for all of us to be happy I suggest you leave. And Even to stop texting Isak. If you'll excuse me I have a party to go back to. Bye.”

 

And with that Noora was slamming the door in their faces, not caring a bit Even was telling he needed to talk to Isak. He'd had his chance with her friend and he'd blue it by breaking Isak's heart.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

It was two days later that Isak received another text from Even. Unable to delete them even though Noora and Eskild had told him he couldn't help reading them all as he clenched the pillow that still smelled of Even tightly. God, he missed him. He missed him just as much as he hurt because of the older boy. He couldn't stop replaying the look of guilt Even had had on his face when Isak had opened the door to him, Sonja and Emma. He was sure by then Emma probably had asked Sonja to come with her to the party as they seemed to be good friends now but it was another blow to his heart to see Even and the blond girl stand there in the hallway while Isak's heart was broken because of them.

He couldn't forget how troubled Even had looked. How it'd seemed like he'd prefer to be anywhere but there. Isak didn't know exactly what had happened with Noora, what she'd told them but he knew that since then he kept receiving texts from Even and it was getting harder to ignore him. He wanted so badly to get answers to understand. Wanted to see Even. To be with him. To feel him and breath in his scent and it was tearing him apart when a part of his mind was screaming he should forget the blond and move on. Eskild had told him he should move on, meet someone new. So did Noora and even Jonas when he'd tried to cheer Isak up. They'd all failed as Isak was unable to move on. He was still in love with Even and moving on, forgetting about him was impossible. Not when he would have given everything to be with the older boy again. But it was never gonna happen, Even had went back to Sonja. They weren't even together two days that they were already over and Even was back with her and then there'd been Emma…

* * *

 

 

His phone had been buzzing annoyingly for the past half hour and Isak was about to throw the device to the wall if it kept ringing. It was Even again, trying to talk to him again. To explain things. What things? Why? There was nothing to explain or talk about. Isak had received the message loud and clear when he'd seen him and Sonja kissing at the party almost two weeks ago. He didn't want to know more. He wanted to forget Even even existed. He was going to go crazy at this rate.

* * *

 

 

He'd been trying to make his way out of school when he'd heard _him_ calling his name. They were supposed to have the cabaret tonight but Isak just couldn't with that stupid club tonight. He couldn't go there talk, share and spread love when his broken heart had been pulverized by it.

 

“Isak, wait. Please.” He heard Even ask again, then he was held back, the older boy holding onto his forearm.

“Let me go.” He heard himself asked clearly. Strange, the turmoil inside him should have made it difficult for him to talk clearly.

“Please. We need to talk. Let me explain.”

“No.” Isak exclaimed, turning around as he released his forearm from Even's loose grip. “There's nothing to talk about. We're nothing you and I, not even friends. You made that clear by lying to me and going back to her.”

“It's not what you think.”

“Isn't it now? Then what is it, Even?” Isak spat taking a step back. He was making himself violence not to break down in front on the older boy. He wouldn't let him see how deeply he got to him. He wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

“It's not what you think...with Sonja. I'm not with her anymore, I wasn't at the party either. She kissed me, she wanted to get back together.”

“Well, if I remember correctly you seemed to be eager kissing her back.”

“Isak.”

“No… Leave me alone, Even. Just leave me the fuck alone.” Isak exclaimed pushing himself back when Even tried to reach for him again. Rushing out of the school he didn't turn around when he heard Even call for him one last time.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

He felt horrible. Depressed. Sad. Heartbroken since he'd tried talking with Isak. This whole thing was such a mess. Sonja was making life difficult by nagging him to get back together. Emma wasn't helping by always butting in and Even was starting to reach a point where he would soon loose it with them two.

 

He hadn't planned meeting someone new, hadn't planned falling so quickly for them too. But Isak had caught his eyes the moment he'd seen him across the cafeteria and from then Even had been unable to look anywhere else but in Isak's direction. They then had started getting closer, yeah he might have overdid it with the toilet paper but he'd needed to catch Isak's attention, he'd needed more than anything to talk to him as there were just something that kept attracting him to the younger boy. Learning more about Isak had been like unwrapping surprises after surprises. He hadn't been sure at first Isak was interest in him too but all those glances, those smiles and the way Isak blushed. Even hadn't imagined those. The first time they kissed it'd been like the earth had suddenly opened in two and Even had felt himself free falling without any way to stop his fall, not that he'd wanted to. What he was feeling for Isak was both scary and existing and he didn't want it to stop? It didn't mattered Isak was younger than him or that he was a guy. Even'd felt himself falling for the teenager all the same. He'd wanted to do things right which is why he'd talked to Sonja and took a break like she'd suggested. He wanted Isak. But not while cheating on either him or Sonja. It'd been all good and going according to his plan, almost like in a movie, up until Isak told him about his mother and being happier without mentally ill people in his life. That'd him freaking out then. He'd ran back to Sonja cause no matter what she was still his best friend despite no longer being his girlfriend. He'd tried talking to her cause he'd needed advice he just never thought she would take advantage of that and try getting back with him again. When he'd texted Isak he needed to slow things down he should have explained it was until he understood what it was exactly he wanted. What he feared the most was Isak discovering about his illness and rejecting him because of it like he seemed to reject his mother. If only he'd knew Isak would be at the party. If he'd knew sooner Isak had seen Sonja and him kissing he would have ran after him, would have tried explaining things. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Isak. And yet, he did.

When he'd seen him at school today, again seeming to try and escape the cabaret Even thought they could talk. Or at least he could explain things. He just didn't realized how deeply hurt Isak truly was. But he couldn't give up. He needed to find a way to fix things. To talk and make Isak understand. He needed to try cause he was in love with the teenager and couldn't give up without trying. He'd talked with Sonja after Emma had dragged them to the dorm's party. The talk had been a hard and tiring one but at least she'd finally understood they just didn't work together anymore, that it was time to move on and let him go. They'd started drifting away way before Even met Isak. Way before he even transferred school. Sonja needed to accept that truth and let him fly free.

Now Even just needed to find a way to approach Isak and arrange things with him. Problem was he still didn't know how seeing texting, calling and catching up after school hadn't worked so far. Maybe he should try with his friend Jonas maybe he'd get a chance like that. A small chance was all he wanted and needed. A small chance. Nothing else but that.

It's what he told Jonas the next day, finally convincing the brunet to help him with Isak.

 

“Okay, I'm gonna help you. But only because I hate seeing my best friend like that. He deserved to be happy no heartbroken.”

“Thank you, Jonas.”

“Don't thank me, make it better with Isak. But I'm warning you, if you hurt him again it's me you'll have to deal with not Noora.”

 

Jonas' words still rang in his ears when he faced the dorm front door. Eskild was supposed to be there and be the one to open up. Even truly hoped this would go well.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

He'd been listening to sappy songs all afternoon, after he'd watch Romeo + Juliet again, crying pitifully after they both died and was now thinking about his life choices and why he'd put himself through that movie again when it was worse than the first time he'd watch it. He had his head buried under _**'his'** _ pillow when he heard a knock at his open door and then Eskild voice.

 

“Hey there, little buddy.”

“No. Leave me alone.” Came Isak's muffled voice. He was too depressed to see anyone even Eskild. Thank god Noora wasn't there to kick his ass out of bed. “Romeo + Juliet is the worst movie ever. Why did I watched it again?”

 

It was strange. A few weeks earlier he would've been mortified to admit he'd watch that movie. But since truly coming out to Eskild and talking long hours about it with him since then a lot had changed like admitting he actually liked movies that would seem too girly to his friends, like Magnus or Mehdi for example. Of course, Baz Luhrmann being Even's favorite film director helped a lot in his choice of movies lately. He'd watched Moulin Rouge too only to end up depressed too after watching it. Why the fuck did that Baz guy always killed everyone or so in his movies.

 

“I'm sure it is… Hmm, there's someone here for you.”

“Who?” Isak asked taking his face out from under the pillow. He was up and busy trying to resemble something when he saw it was Even there.

“Wha-what are you doing here?” He asked the blond, totally forgetting Eskild existence in the room. Something he heard his roommate mumble about under his breath before the door was closing behind him and it was just Even and him left in the bedroom.

“Jonas talked to Eskild for me. They agreed letting me see you as we need to talk, Isak.”

“There's nothing to talk about.” Isak replied more out of habit rather than meaning it.

“Yes. There is. There us. You and I and everything that's happened.” Even said softly coming slightly closer. To what Isak of course took a step back only to hit the end of the bed with the back of his legs and falling backwards on it, finding himself sitting awkwardly.

“Does Sonja know you're here instead of with her?” Isak asked trying to give himself both an excuse in hope Even hadn't seen him falling on the bed and the assurance he clearly didn't felt faced with Even now.

“No she doesn't. And it's not her business anymore. We're not together.”

“Well, this is new.” Isak said under his breath but judging by Even's face he'd clearly heard that.

“Sonja and I have been over since I told you we were, Isak. What you saw at the party was like I told you. It was her trying to get back with me.”

“Whatever.” Isak sighed. He really didn't want to hear about Sonja anymore. He knew he wasn't being fair when he heard himself say next:

“Listen, say what you've come here to say then let's both move on, okay. We're clearly not right for each other. Or it was just me imagining there was something where there really wasn't.”

“I got scared, alright.” Even suddenly blurted which got him to have Isak's full attention now. What did he meant by that? The younger boy thought. “This is why I texted you I need to slow things down between us.”

“You're the one that asked me what my parents would think about us dating and the next day you're breaking up with me? I don't get it, Even. I'm sorry but I don't get what went so fast between us when we'd barely started anything together.”

“I was with Sonja for years then I met you and was attracted to you the moment I saw you. I just didn't expected to fall so quickly for you. It scared me then you told me about your mother and then I just couldn't help wondering what would happen?”

“What does my mother have to do with us?” Isak asked confused.

“Everything.” Even whispered, before coming to sit down next to Isak a long sigh coming out of him. It seemed to Isak Even was suddenly bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. “You said you're life would be happier without mentally ill people around you.”

“What does it have to do with us?” Isak asked again, unsure where this was going.

“Everything, Isak. Everything. I've been dealing with depression since I was fourteen. Sonja has been there through the worse and best which was why I felt guilty breaking up with her. But then after you and I kissed. After that day we spent lying here together I felt it was finally okay to break up with her. I didn't have to feel guilty about it. I didn't felt like I had an obligation to stay with her anymore. Not when all I wanted was to be with you. I'd planned to tell you about me but then you told me about your mom and it scared me. I couldn't help think what if you rejected me once you knew about me being sick like you did with your mother? So I decided we should slow things down after I talked to Sonja, it didn't occurred to me she suggested I stop things with you because she wanted me back. After that everything just sort of went downhill.”

Silence is what met Even's words then he heard Isak make a strange sound. Turning around to look at the teen, he noticed Isak was trying to hold back his tears. Failing miserably. Sitting closer, Even took his face between his hands and wiped away the tears on Isak's cheeks.

“I'm sorry, Isak. I'm so sorry. Please don't cry.”

“You should've talked to me.”

“I tried.”

“I don't even...” Isak started saying before breathing in deeply. “What do we do now?” He then asked, hopeful and yet terrified to hear Even's answer.

“What do you want? Would you date me even though I'm sick?”

“You won't go back to her again?” Isak asked, conscious it was his deepest fear.

“It's you I want, Isak. Not Sonja.”

“You hurt me so bad...” Isak whispered, ashamed to admit as much. He felt Even get closer and then his lips brushing against his sending electricity through his entire body.

“I know. I'm sorry. I won't anymore. I love you.”

“You what?” Isak asked with surprise. He wasn't sure he'd heard correctly.

“I love you, Isak.”

Unable to keep fighting it and his heart anymore, Isak kissed Even longingly. He'd missed him so much, he couldn't stay away anymore not when he knew Even felt the same Isak felt for him.

 

“I love you too, Even.”

**Author's Note:**

> **  
> _Before anyone ask no I'm not done with my long ass hiatus as I'm stilling working on writing my first book, I'll post here and there from now on. Until I can fully come back to my fics full time._  
>  **   
>  **If you liked this story please leave me a meesage or kudos. xoxo. Sin (aka TheShiWolf).**


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